Attempting your first stunt: An E-Z Guide to Incredible Achievement

For your first stunt, let’s start with an easy one, jumping off a building.

Step 1) Get on top of a building. Since this is your first stunt, start with an easy one in the 3- to 5-story range. You might experience some difficulty getting to the top of the building, what with the obstacles people throw in front of you, like doors and locked doors, but nobody ever said that stunts were easy.

Step 2) Stunts are easy. Go stand on the edge of the building. See the ground? Just the fact that the ground is there means that this stunt is possible. All you have to do is take a deep breath and step off the building.

Step 3) Before stepping off the building, let’s review your clothes for the stunt. Are they loose-fitting? Mechanic coveralls and yoga clothes are excellent. But, what should you wear on your head? Here’s a quick list:

Bad headwear: Stocking cap, bike helmet, child-size firefighter hat

Good headwear: Stocking cap with pom-pom, motorcycle helmet, child-size firefighter hat with “#1” written on it, any inflatable hat.

Okey-dokey, you are ready to fly!

Step 4) Flying is really the wrong word for what you are about to do. What you are seconds away from doing is a controlled fall. Where does the “control” come in? Personal choice. Yes, really. A side note, by this time the police may have arrived, make sure that you do not look them in the eyes. All you would see is jealousy, which is not a good way to begin a stunt. Now just close you eyes and let go.

Step 5) It is essential that you keep your eyes open during descent. You need to zero in on your landing spot, unless you are planning to jump off the building backwards, in which case feel free to look up at the sky or close your eyes.

Step 6) Just before your landing, tuck your chin in.

Step 7) If you have performed the stunt correctly, there will be no pain, just adrenalin surging through your veins. You can actually pick up a car. For reals! If you have performed the stunt correctly and are still in pain, seek medical attention immediately.

Step 8) Do not bow to passersby. Bowing is for bigger stunts, like ones that involve broken glass and sharks. Maybe, if you have really accomplished the stunt well, do that thing with your finger when you pretend it is a freshly shot gun and you are blowing the smoke away.

Step 9) Go look in the mirror and say hello to the beautiful/handsome stuntperson. (That’s you.)


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