Ninja Preparedness Guide

What to do in case a ninja is in your house

1. First of all, determine if a ninja is in your house. Is your home completely silent? Are all the windows and doors locked? If so, there is probably a ninja in your home.

2. It is best to not show fear with a ninja, but panicking inwardly is always suggested.

3. Have you tucked a cookie sheet under your shirt to protect against throwing stars? Sorry, that really should have been rule #1.

4. Don't call the police. Unless your local department has a ninja squad, they will be of no use to you.

5. Open a bag of potato chips and pour it on your floor. By removing a ninja's ability to move silently you might completely demoralize them.

6. Do you know karate? This might be a good time to use it.

7. Dial 9 and 1 on your phone. Prepare to push 1 again.

8. Ask yourself what you have done to anger this ninja in the first place. Is there anything you can say or do that will rectify this situation? No, probably not, I'm sorry I brought it up.

9. Have you ever thought about jumping out a window? This might be the time to try it. After landing, turn back at your house and shake your fist. This, your fist says, is not over. Then seek immediate medical attention.

Ninja Fun Facts: Most ninjas are water signs. There is a yearly ninja convention which last year attracted almost 2,000 ninjas to a seemingly empty ballroom.


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